​You're 18 now, officially an adult. Welcome to the shit show. 

 

First, let me say what I should have said more often: I am so proud of you. Not because of grades or achievements or any of that bullshit, but because of who you are at your core. You have a heart that's pure gold, son. The way you've taken care of me, the compassion and kindness that you show to everyone around you, that's not something that can be taught. That's just who you are, and it's beautiful. And weird. 

 

But here's the thing about having a good heart in this world: people may try to take advantage of it. They'll see your kindness and mistake it for weakness. They'll ask for favors they'll never return, make promises they'll never keep, and expect you to always be the one who gives while they take. Don't let them turn your compassion into their convenience. You can be kind without being a doormat. You can help others without sacrificing yourself. Learn to say no, and don't feel guilty about it. The people who truly care about you will respect your boundaries.

 

I know you’ve just finished high school and I know the motivation hadn't always been there. That's okay. Not everyone finds their fire at seventeen, and that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you. But here's what I've learned about work and life that I wish someone had told me when I was your age. Forget the shit the guidance counselors tell you about following your passion or doing what you love. That's pretty advice for greeting cards, but it's terrible life advice. When you turn something you love into a job, into a transaction, it loses its magic real quick. Suddenly that thing that brought you joy becomes tied to deadlines and bosses and performance reviews, and before you know it, you resent the very thing that used to make you happy.

 

Instead, find work that you can tolerate and that pays you fairly. Look for something that doesn't make you want to punch a wall every morning, something that uses your strengths without crushing your spirit. Keep the things you love as refuges, as sources of joy that no boss or deadline can touch.

 

You're going to get your first real job soon, and I think you're going to like the feeling of independence that comes with making your own money. There's something powerful about that first paycheck, about knowing you earned it yourself. But here’s the most important financial advice I can give you: live within your means. I know it sounds boring af, but financial stress will kill your joy faster than anything else in this world. Every dollar you spend that you don’t have is a dollar that owns a piece of your future. Credit cards aren’t free money, but they aren’t evil either. Used wisely, they can buy time, bridge hard moments, and even protect you in emergencies. The key is to stay in charge of them, not let them run your life. Build the habit early of spending less than you make, even if it’s just by a little bit. That small buffer will give you choices, and choices are what freedom really looks like. 

 

Watch out for jealousy. It's a fucking thief of joy. You're going to see people your age getting things you want, achieving things you haven't achieved yet, seeming to have it all figured out while you're still finding your way. Social media is going to make this worse, showing you everyone's highlight reel while you're living your behind-the-scenes reality. When that jealousy creeps in, and it will, try to use it as inspiration instead of torture. Their timeline is not your timeline. Their success is not your success. Your path is your own, and it doesn't have to look like anyone else's.

 

But also, fuck them. Feel that jealousy, acknowledge it, maybe even wallow in it briefly, and then let it go. You're human. These feelings are normal. Just don't let them set up permanent residence in your head.

 

Here's something I wish I had done more of, and I hope you'll do better than me: ask for help when you need it. Don't be ashamed about it. Everyone needs help, son. Everyone. I wish I would have asked for more help I thought asking for help made me weak, made me a burden, made me less of a mother. I was wrong about all of that.

 

And here's another thing, tell people how you feel. Don't be afraid to. Don't be afraid or concerned if someone will like you; be concerned if you will like them. That's what matters.

 

Think about your daily life, son. People love to give advice on what job you should take, who you should date or marry, where you should live, all of it. But you are the only one living your daily life. Make decisions for that daily reality, not for what looks good to other people or what sounds impressive. You're the one who has to wake up every morning and live with your choices.

 

And here's maybe the most important thing: don't lie to yourself. If there's one person you're going to be honest with, have it be yourself. And ideally, have one person in this world you can be totally honest with about everything. That kind of relationship, where you don't have to pretend or perform or be anything other than exactly who you are, that's worth more than all the money and success in the world.

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With every decision you make you’re going experience spectacular outcomes and some crushingly painful ones. At times, you’re going to make the right decisions and it’s going to turn out catastrophic. Other times, you’re going to make the wrong decision, but you'll get away with it by the skin of your ass. When everyone is thinking that you're only as good as you're last fuck up, remember this: You were never as good as you may have felt on your best day, and you’re not as bad as you felt on your worst. Probability takes a long time to time, a blend of averages is how you measure success.

 

I love you more than you'll ever know. You’re going to do beautiful things in this world, not because you have to prove anything to anyone, but because that's just who you are. Take care of that beautiful heart of yours, but don't be afraid to let people see it. The world is lucky to have you in it, and I'm the luckiest of all because I get to be your mom.

 

Happy 18th birthday, my beautiful boy.

 

All my love, always,  

Momma